We tend to travel at speeds that rarely allow us to slow down and really see our spouse, hear their heart, and listen to understand. This Design-a-Date will help you do all three!


30 minutes

Set aside one evening to step away from the television, the “to do” list, or the computer screen. Draw a bath of water and light several candles in the bathroom and around the tub. If your tub is big enough for two, enjoy a bath together. If your tub doesn’t fit two, have one of you enjoy the bath while the other sits outside the tub to enjoy the peaceful setting and time to talk.

This is not time to fix any problems or solve any issues. This is a time to find out what your spouse is thinking about, feeling, or struggling with. It’s also a time to share with each other at least one way you appreciate them. When your spouse shares, use the principles of Safe Conversations (if you missed that short video—just search “Safe Conversations” in the Date Night site and watch it!) Most importantly, reflect back what your spouse shares with you so he/she knows you’re really listening and hearing their heart.

Need help with some conversation starters?  Here are a few:

  • What was the best part of your day today?
  • What was the hardest part of your day today?
  • Is there anything weighing heavy on your heart right now?
  • If you could use only one word to describe how you’re feeling right now, what would it be?
  • What’s one way I can help you tonight or tomorrow?
  • Is there anything on your mind that we haven’t had the chance to talk about?

Wash each other’s backs, talk, and listen. If your tub only fits one, trade places and continue your date. Talk about the possibility of doing this weekly (like every Thursday night?).  Let this date night be a reminder of your need to pull off the highway of life, slow down, rest, relax, and reconnect on a regular basis.

Print Out a PDF of this Date Night: Tub-Talk-Twilight-Date.pdf