James and Arlene Pellicane live in San Diego, California, and have been married for 20 years. Arlene is the author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. In this Dive Deep interview, James and Arlene speak about how to have tough conversations with your spouse and give practical tips on having a happy marriage.





TRANSCRIPT:  Dive-Deep-with-James-and-Arlene-Pellicane.pdf

Talk About It:

  • How can we create a safe atmosphere for having tough conversations?
  • Are we making time for intimacy in our marriage? Do we need to start scheduling sex?
  • What mutual activities are we doing as a couple? As a family?
  • What is our defined value system?

Think About It:

  • Am I making the effort to give my spouse helpful feedback and correction? Where can I do better?
  • Am I responding well to my spouse’s feedback and correction?
  • How can I take action to show my spouse that I respect his/her needs?

Quotes and Notes:

“Just because I don’t bleed, doesn’t mean I don’t need.” James Pellicane

“When your values are clear, your decisions are easy.” James Pellicane

“Accept God’s grace when you go through the hard times to realize this hard time will end, you will continue, and it will be just a memory.” Arlene Pellicane

“Yes, time’s a healer, but we also need the Holy Spirit.” James Pellicane

James and Arlene’s Tips for a Happy Marriage

  1. Respect: Show your spouse that you respect their needs by refusing to minimize, and instead, taking action.
  2. Mutual Activities: Find enjoyable things to do together as a couple and as a family.
  3. Have a Clearly Defined Value System: Ask yourselves what your core values are as a couple and write them down. These values should help in your decision making.
  4. Live Joyfully: No matter what your circumstances may be, find joy and hope in Christ, not in your marriage.

Books Mentioned:

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Wins, Losses and Lessons: An Autobiography by Lou Holtz


Psalm 16:11- “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

Philippians 4:8- “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

*All Scriptures are in the NIV unless otherwise noted.