This couple has a story, but they have A LOT of wisdom for us from their story! Your story may not be their story but their wisdom is your wisdom. Watch, talk, reflect, and learn!

Talk about it:

What is one takeaway or personal challenge you have from this teaching?

Is there some way that we are economizing our relationship as a couple?  What’s the next step we could take to change this for the good?

What positive, God-centered learnings have we had during our hard seasons?

Think about it:

Ryan talked about how he flirted with boundaries, moved to messaging women, and then to relationships outside of marriage. is there any way you are pushing boundaries?

Where do I need to be more disciplined in my marriage?

Are there walls that I am putting up inside my marriage relationship?

What is right now “more important” than my marriage? (Social media, kids, television, friends, etc) What’s a next step I need to take to move my marriage before those things?

Notes and Quotes

“From the outside looking in, all things appeared great.  I started living a double life. There was this side of me that was a good father, a good husband, and a respected member of this community; and there was this other side of me that was shame-based and hiding.”  –Ryan Eller

“Staggered disclosure is very unhealthy and hurtful.”  –Ryan Eller

Validating our spouse’s hurts, setting strong boundaries, changing friendship circles, and pursuing our own personal health is vital to change.

If you want to change, everything must change.

“We were doing marriage all wrong. We’ve learned to do things differently.”  –Kristin Eller

Book: Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

Song: Tauren Wells – Known (Official Lyric Video)