What is one takeaway or personal challenge you have from this teaching?
Have you ever been around a rude person? How did that make you feel?
Is there a time you feel I’m rude to you? (When your spouse answers this, just listen and then respond with, “Thank you for sharing that. I’ll try to be more aware in the future.”
Think about it:
What are your negative thoughts regarding your spouse? How do these thoughts influence your actions?
Below is a list of words that make up rudeness. talk to your spouse about how you have used these actions inside your marriage?
Are you aware of any time you have been rude within your marriage? If so, have you already done so, or, are you ready to ask forgiveness for this?
Notes and Quotes
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ESV love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogantor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful
Sometimes rudeness comes out in ways we may not realize:
— Envy refers to comparison and coveting or desire for that which we don’t have or possess. In marriage, we can compare to marriages we see, or spouses we see, or what we assume in our mind.
— Boast refers to talking about self with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one’s achievements, possessions, or abilities. In marriage, boasting fuels pride.
— Arrrogant refers to an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.
— Rude refers to one speaking and acting impolite, abrupt, or using hurtful words, actions, and attitudes towards others.
— Pride refers to insisting on its own way.
— Irritable refers to being short, frustrated, angry.
— Resentful refers to feeling or expressing bitterness or indignation and holding one hostage to our resentment.
We compare our own marriage or spouse, to what we see or imagine, and begin to tell ourselves the story that our marriage or spouse doesn’t measure up to what we see or imagine, and we then hold our marriage or spouse hostage to this story. When we do this we are not loving.
The Bible tells us that love is patient and kind. Too often we rationalize why it’s okay for us to be impatient and unkind due to the circumstances we’re navigating. In this short Double Date with Mark and Jill we explore the connection that patience and kindness have to love.
What is one takeaway or personal challenge you have from this teaching on patience and kindness?
If I rated myself on patience in our marriage, on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not patient at all and 10 being very patient, I would rate myself a __________.
If you rated me on patience in our marriage, on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not patient at all and 10 being very patient, what would you rate me? (Be prepared to receive this feedback openly and with humility.)
If I rated myself on kindness in our marriage, on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not kind at all and 10 being very kind, I would rate myself a __________.
If you rated me on kindness in our marriage, on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not patient at all and 10 being very kind, what would you rate me? (Be prepared to receive this feedback openly and with humility.)
Think about it:
Patience and kindness are a fruit of the Spirit and a reflection of our love. If I’m not patient and kind, I am not loving. How well am I loving my spouse through patience and kindness?
How am I doing accepting my spouse’s differences as a way of expressing love to him/her?
Is it evident to my spouse that God is leading my heart or is it more evident that my emotions are leading my heart?
Notes and Quotes
If we aren’t accepting our spouse’s differences it leads to unkindness. This is fueled by our thinking.
We can learn to express our anger, frustration, and hurt with the fruits of the Spirit.
Patience and kindness are my responsibility, and are not based upon the good or bad actions of another person.
Process for untangling anger: 1) express anger to God, 2) Sort through my anger and emotion in order to discover why I’m angry (possibly with the help of another person, counselor, or coach), 3) Untangle my anger and emotions with my God Tools (forgiveness, grace, and acceptance), and ask for a safe conversation with my spouse.
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
1 Corinthians 13:4 NLT “Love is patient and kind…”
Concerning 1 Corinthians 13:4-11, I feel I need to work on…
The part of this video that caught my attention was…
Think about it:
Are my thoughts about love realistic and aligned to what God says about it?
Am I loving on the inside as well as the outside? Do my attitudes and actions reflect love?
Notes and Quotes:
I Corinthians 13:4-8 and 11 ESV 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away…11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
What we think impacts our actions.
The feelings of love, inside a marriage, come and go and this is normal. They ebb and flow with life and relationship.