The God-Tool of Generosity

Selfishness is the great destroyer of marriages. How do we stop selfishness? With generosity! Join Mark and Jill for this short video about a very important God-tool!

Talk About It

Is there anytime where you feel selfishness affects my ability to love and serve you? (When you’re the one asking the question, make sure you respond with “Thank you for that feedback” and nothing else.

In what ways could I be more generous in our marriage?

Think About It

In what scenarios am I aware that selfishness rises up inside of me?

Where in my life and marriage do I need to be more intentional about “dying to self?”

Notes and Quotes

Philemon 1:6 (NLT): “And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ.”

 

How to Say No By Saying Yes

In marriage, we’re called to serve one another and this requires sacrifice. However, sometimes the timing of the serving may need to be adjusted based upon our availability, emotional capacity, and other responsibilities. That’s when we need to learn how to say no by saying yes. You can learn how in this 9 minute video!

Talk About It

In our marriage, would you describe me as generous or selfish?  Tell me more about that.

What is one way I could better serve you in our marriage?

Think About It

How often does selfishness rise up inside of me?

Am I a person of my word? If I say I’ll do something, do I do it? Do I have a system to remember?

Notes and Quotes

“Yes, however,” is the key to saying no by saying yes.

You have to keep your “however” to be a person of your word and not break.

Make Requests

Are you hinting, hoping, complaining, commenting, or criticizing? If so, we want you to know there’s a better way to let your spouse know what you need! This Double Date with Mark and Jill will show you the way!

Talk About It

What is your initial thought about using this strategy in our communication?

What fears do you have about making requests?

Is there a request you’d like to make?

 

Think About It

Did you grow up in a home where making requests wasn’t safe (maybe you had a reactive parent, or your needs simply weren’t thought of or met)?

Can you think of a time in the past week where a direct request might have made a big difference?

 

Notes and Quotes

I thought I was communicating, but really I was commenting, hoping, or hinting.

When you experience frustration, there’s a request to be made.

Part of a healthy marriage is self-leadership.

Ask yourself, “What do you need?”

Shaunti Feldhahn & Dr. Michael Sytsma: The Secrets of Sex and Marriage

In today’s Deep Dive Interview, Mark and Jill sit down with Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma to discuss their new book, Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises that Make all the Difference. Shaunti is a social researcher with an analytical background, while Dr. Sytsma is an ordained minister, professional counselor, and a sex therapist. Together, with their unique approaches, they have tackled the topic and written this book which gives straight forward, practical advice, delivered with biblical truth.

Talk About It:

Have we allowed the “Hollywood Version” to bring in any unrealistic expectations in our marriage or sex relationship?

What does it take to woo you (get you engaged) even when you’re not hungry for it?

Can we identify what our relationship challenges are that may be hindering sex from happening? i.e. communication issues, energy management, etc.

Think About It:

Jill mentioned the phrase “committing assumicide” (too many assumptions leading to negative results). In what areas do I need to stop committing assumicide in our marriage?

Am I the initiating desire or the receptive desire? What about my spouse? What can I do to better accommodate this?

Notes and Quotes:

Initiating Desire- Feel desire first and do something about it
Receptive Desire- Make a decision to get involved sexually and eventually feelings of desire follow

Dr. Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn’s joint platform with free resources:
https://secretsofsexandmarriage.com/

“Invite, don’t indict” -Jill Savage

“Couples are way closer than what they think they are” -Dr. Michael Sytsma

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