In this15 minute Double Date with Mark and Jill we are covering the basics of attachment. Understanding attachment was a game-changer for our marriage when we first learned about it 13 years ago. In fact, it’s what helped turn our marriage around!
Talk About It
- Which Attachment Style(s) do you identify with?
- Take one or both attachment quizzes linked below. Are you surprised by any of your results?
- Could we benefit from the Attachment Styles Course, or coaching?
Think About It
- What do you feel like your next step is?
- How do you feel about working toward becoming a Secure Connector?
Notes and Quotes
Four “Buckets” that attachment falls into: Avoidant, Anxious, Chaotic, and Secure
In 80% of marriages, an Avoidant is married to an Anxious. We like to say that is a “dog married to a cat.” The dog is the anxious one, and the cat is avoidant.
Avoidant and Anxious end up together, because opposites attract. We like what we see in the other person, but it starts to drive us crazy when we live with it.
We do not have to stay in our attachment style. Becoming a Secure Connector is our goal, and we can and must move toward that.
Avoidant and anxious attachment styles “show up” differently, but they both have insecurity at the root.
Milan and Kay Yerkovich divide the Attachment Styles up a little differently.
Avoider and Controller Attachment Styles – under the umbrella of “Avoidant”
Vacillator, Pleaser, and Victim – under the umbrella of “Anxious”
Chaotic – having a score of 9 or higher in 3 or more of those styles.
Jesus was a Secure Connector! That can give us hope. We can’t change ourselves, but we can become more like Jesus with God’s help. When we become secure, we become emotionally intelligent.
Book Information:
How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
https://howwelove.com/product-category/how-we-love/
Secure Love by Julie Menanno
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/secure-love-relationship-book
Attachment Quizzes:
Mark & Jill’s Quiz: https://jillsavage.org/attachment-style-quiz/
Milan & Kay Yerkovich’s Quiz: https://howwelove.com/love-style-quiz/
Understanding Attachment Course – use code DATENIGHT20 for $20 off.
