Nov 26, 2024
Too often we look at our marriage through a lens of lack.
When that happens, we need to intentionally move our eyes to see what we do have.
This Design-A-Date allows us to focus on what we appreciate about each other AND take the time to communicate those things.
Head to a coffee shop or simply snuggle up on the couch with a paper and pen.
Jot down all the things you appreciate about your spouse by finishing this sentence, “I’m thankful you ______________________ or “I’m thankful for __________________________.”
Once you’ve identified a list of 10 or 12 things you are thankful for, take time to communicate to each other what you’re thankful for AND why you’re thankful for it (what you appreciate about it, how that character trait makes your life easier, etc.)
End with a one minute full body hug, just standing and holding each other for a minute.
Print out Date Night here:
Thankful-Date-Night.png
May 31, 2023
Several years ago, we saw a book in a bookstore titled Your Spouse Isn’t the Person You Married. It was an intriguing title that pulled us in so we stood there quite some time reading the pages aloud to each other.
The premise of the book is that we change and grow over the years and sometimes we don’t stay connected to each other’s hearts in a way that allows us to be aware of those changes. Life gets busy and our communication becomes about the logistics of life rather than what’s going on inside our spouse’s head and heart.
With that in mind, we want to encourage you to get a special dessert to share and invite your spouse to this “Interview Me” Design-a-Date. The key to making this date successful is that when you’re asking the questions you maintain a curious mindset. You listen to understand, and you resist the urge to add any of your own thoughts or comments.
Your only response when you’re interviewing is something affirming like “Thank you for sharing.” Or “That’s good to know.” You can also invite them to share more by simply saying, “Tell me more about that.”
Once your spouse has answered all the questions, switch roles and let them interview you!
What’s something you love to do and haven’t done in a while?
What are three words you feel best describe you?
What’s the best thing about being the age that you are right now?
What do you worry about the most?
What helps you feel better when you’re upset or stressed?
What would you like us to do more of as a couple?
If we could live anywhere in the world, where would you like to live?
What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?
What’s one thing on your bucket list that you’d like to do sometime?
What are you most proud of in your life?
What’s weighing heavy on you right now?
What’s the most surprising thing that happened to you last year?
What do you think your best qualities are?
What’s one way I can be praying for you right now?
You can print out “The Interview Date” here so you both can have a copy in hand:
The-Interview-Date.pdf
Good marriages don’t just happen. They’re created one conversation at a time!
May 26, 2023
In today’s Deep Dive Interview, Mark and Jill sit down with Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma to discuss their new book, Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises that Make all the Difference. Shaunti is a social researcher with an analytical background, while Dr. Sytsma is an ordained minister, professional counselor, and a sex therapist. Together, with their unique approaches, they have tackled the topic and written this book which gives straight forward, practical advice, delivered with biblical truth.
Talk About It:
Have we allowed the “Hollywood Version” to bring in any unrealistic expectations in our marriage or sex relationship?
What does it take to woo you (get you engaged) even when you’re not hungry for it?
Can we identify what our relationship challenges are that may be hindering sex from happening? i.e. communication issues, energy management, etc.
Think About It:
Jill mentioned the phrase “committing assumicide” (too many assumptions leading to negative results). In what areas do I need to stop committing assumicide in our marriage?
Am I the initiating desire or the receptive desire? What about my spouse? What can I do to better accommodate this?
Notes and Quotes:
Initiating Desire- Feel desire first and do something about it
Receptive Desire- Make a decision to get involved sexually and eventually feelings of desire follow
Dr. Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn’s joint platform with free resources:
https://secretsofsexandmarriage.com/
“Invite, don’t indict” -Jill Savage
“Couples are way closer than what they think they are” -Dr. Michael Sytsma
Apr 17, 2023
Most of the time our marriage relationship starts off with warm, tingly feelings, but those initial feelings eventually wear off. What do you do when the tingly feeling of love is not felt towards your spouse anymore? Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice. In this Dive Deep Interview, Dr. Gary Chapman offers a practical conversation on how we can choose to love our spouse (even when it’s hard) through serving with a Christ-like attitude.
Talk About It:
Take the 5 love languages quiz here, if you haven’t already: https://5lovelanguages.com/
1.What is a gesture of love that would be meaningful to you, specific to your primary language?
2. Tell me about a time in your life when someone served you in love even though it may have been hard for them? How did that make you feel? Did that experience influence you to love?
Think About It:
1. In what area can I stop focusing on the differences and instead just allow my spouse to be who they are?
2. Have I had a heart of servanthood toward my spouse lately?
3. What interruptions in my life could actually be an opportunity to show love?
Notes and Quotes:
“If we choose the attitude of love, God will give us the ability to speak love, even to a spouse that’s not loving us.” -Gary Chapman
3 Question’s that changed Dr. Chapmans marriage:
1. What can I do to help you?
2. How can I make your life easier?
3. How can I be a better spouse?
Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5
Link To Dr. Chapmans’ new book Love is A Choice:
https://5lovelanguages.com/store/love-is-a-choice
The 5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch
Apr 11, 2023
In this Q&A, Mark and Jill share a real-life difficult day and how they used their God-tools to stay steady and not have unnecessary conflict. They also answered questions about:
- personal responsibility in marriage
- how to stop petty arguments
- what choosing love looks like on a daily basis
- how to handle hard conversations with a spouse who isn’t willing to have safe conversations
- and more!
