Our past, our upbringing, and our experiences in life don’t stay in the past. They are carried into our marriages and affect how we operate in our relationships. This is a topic that we cover a lot in our book No More Perfect Marriages and in our coaching with other couples. The good news is that you are not powerless to stay stuck in the past! You can move beyond it and experience true intimacy in your marriage and relationships.

In this Dive Deep Interview we are joined by our friends, Joe & Tara Buchanan. Joe is the station manager at our Central Illinois radio station, WCIC. Together Joe and Tara are the hosts of the Behind Our Smiles podcast, in which they talk openly about their marriage journey and how their past has affected their marriage.

Talk About It

Tell me about a time in your childhood when you were hurting, disappointed, or grieving and share how your pain was handled.

Trauma in childhood can include parental divorce, neglect, abuse, death of a sibling, having an angry parent you couldn’t please, having an alcoholic parent or a parent who has so many of their own issues they are unavailable to nurture and lead their child. Understanding that, is there any trauma in your childhood?

Think About It

Trauma in childhood can include parental divorce, neglect, abuse, death of a sibling, having an angry parent you couldn’t please, having an alcoholic parent or a parent who has so many of their own issues they are unavailable to nurture and lead their child. Understanding that, is there any trauma in my childhood?

Is there anything in your past that might still be affecting your thinking, your fears, or your responses? Is there still work to be done? Should I consider working through any of those with a coach or a counselor?

Notes and Quotes

“I was pushing my anxiety and my fear on my wife.” Joe Buchanan

“There’s layer after layer after layer in the healing process.” Joe Buchanan

“I had to come to a place where I realized I wasn’t strong enough on my own. I needed God.” Joe Buchanan