Do you understand the power you have in your marriage? This Dive Deep Interview is a conversation Jill had with Dr. Juli Slattery.
In the beginning you might think this is just a conversation for women because it’s based on Juli’s book Finding the Hero in Your Husband, but it’s not! It’s for couples!
This is a conversation about the destructive power struggles in marriage and how to navigate them and build healthy intimacy. It touches on conflict resolution and definitely s-e-x!
Talk About It
What is one takeaway you have from this video?
Have you felt powered over, degraded or shamed by me? If so, could you help me see how I have done this?
What do you consider comforting for you? How could I comfort you if you asked me to do so?
Are our conflicts healthy or unhealthy? Do we work together to resolve conflicts or do we fight?
Think About It
For wives: Am I frustrated that I want my husband to lead and yet I am personally frustrated that he doesn’t lead the way that I want him to lead?
For wives: Husbands wake up everyday with the unconscious and sometimes conscious thought, “Do you believe in me?”Husbands need respect. How am I giving or not giving respect to my husband?
For Husbands: Wives wake up everyday with the unconscious and sometimes conscious thought, “Do you still love me?” How am I loving or not loving my wife?
List your thoughts, both positive and negative of what you believe about your spouse.
Am I accepting my spouses differences or wanting them to be like me? Am I resentful towards them because of this?
Is the strong woman and silent man syndrome operating in my marriage?
Notes and Quotes
“I’m a strong woman. God didn’t want to take my strength away, but he wanted me to steward it differently in my marriage.” –Jill Savage
“The first step in finding the hero in your husband is confession to God and then to your husband.” –Juli Slattery
Women have the power in their marriage to build intimacy with their husband by 1) respecting their husband and 2) helping their husband to grow and mature.
Husbands have the power in their marriage to build intimacy with their wife by 1) being attentive, nurturing and seeing their wife and 2) protecting their wife.
Conflict isn’t the same thing as a fight. Conflict is “us together against a problem.”
Differences drive conflict, personal values drive conflict, perspectives and experiences drive conflict. A fight is when it is me against you!
Practical ways to navigate conflict:
1) Wait to resolve a conflict. Waiting can sometimes be the best decision.
2) Learn to slow down your conversation, reflect back and hear each other.
3) Grow in repairing and resetting the relationship.
4) Learn to pray together and ask for God’s help and guidance.
Sex: Every couple struggles with sexual frustrations and issues. Sexual conflict is driven by differing desires, deep seated past hurts, shame, and rejection.
Practical ways to begin repairing sexual conflict:
1) Invite God into your sex life. Pray, if possible together, about your sex life.
2) Get God’s perspective about sex.
3) Seek out wisdom and help from Dr. Juli Slattery’s website, books and podcasts and other author’s as well.
God, Sex and Your Marriage, by Dr. Julie Slattery (out June 2022)
Rethinking Sexuality, by Dr. Julie Slattery
A Celebration of Sex, by Dr. Doug Rosenau
The Gift of Sex: A Guide To Sexual Fulfillment, by Cliff and Joyce Penner (they have written many books on this topic)
Is There Really Sex After Kids?, by Jill Savage.
These books can all be found here.
No More Perfect Podcast: An Honest Conversation About Sex