Sep 6, 2023
In marriage, we’re called to serve one another and this requires sacrifice. However, sometimes the timing of the serving may need to be adjusted based upon our availability, emotional capacity, and other responsibilities. That’s when we need to learn how to say no by saying yes. You can learn how in this 9 minute video!
Talk About It
In our marriage, would you describe me as generous or selfish? Tell me more about that.
What is one way I could better serve you in our marriage?
Think About It
How often does selfishness rise up inside of me?
Am I a person of my word? If I say I’ll do something, do I do it? Do I have a system to remember?
Notes and Quotes
“Yes, however,” is the key to saying no by saying yes.
You have to keep your “however” to be a person of your word and not break.
Aug 31, 2023
If there’s one common theme in marriages that struggle, it’s the misuse of our words. In this Dive Deep Interview, Jill talks with Sarah Molitor. Sarah misused her words for many years in her marriage until she was convicted of the damage she had caused. That’s when she made some very necessary changes. We all need the wisdom in this video!
Talk About It
In what way have my words hurt you in our marriage? (Whatever your spouse shares, respond with an apology. I’m sorry for _______________. I understand it has hurt you in this way: ________________________. Will you please forgive me?)
If there is one way I could better use my words to lift you up? What words of mine would most bring you life?
Think About It
Are there any “band-aids” you’ve used to fix something in your life because of your discontentment?
Is there any way you’re turning to your emotions and feelings rather than to the Lord?
What is going on in my head and my heart that are fueling my damaging words?
Do you need to clean up anything with Lord or with someone else because of the misuse of your words?
Notes and Quotes
What God Says About Our Words:
The-Power-of-Our-Words-PDF.pdf
Build your home and build your family right where you are.
Repentance is being grieved over how your actions have affected another person.
Jun 21, 2023
Are you hinting, hoping, complaining, commenting, or criticizing? If so, we want you to know there’s a better way to let your spouse know what you need! This Double Date with Mark and Jill will show you the way!
Talk About It
What is your initial thought about using this strategy in our communication?
What fears do you have about making requests?
Is there a request you’d like to make?
Think About It
Did you grow up in a home where making requests wasn’t safe (maybe you had a reactive parent, or your needs simply weren’t thought of or met)?
Can you think of a time in the past week where a direct request might have made a big difference?
Notes and Quotes
I thought I was communicating, but really I was commenting, hoping, or hinting.
When you experience frustration, there’s a request to be made.
Part of a healthy marriage is self-leadership.
Ask yourself, “What do you need?”
May 31, 2023
Several years ago, we saw a book in a bookstore titled Your Spouse Isn’t the Person You Married. It was an intriguing title that pulled us in so we stood there quite some time reading the pages aloud to each other.
The premise of the book is that we change and grow over the years and sometimes we don’t stay connected to each other’s hearts in a way that allows us to be aware of those changes. Life gets busy and our communication becomes about the logistics of life rather than what’s going on inside our spouse’s head and heart.
With that in mind, we want to encourage you to get a special dessert to share and invite your spouse to this “Interview Me” Design-a-Date. The key to making this date successful is that when you’re asking the questions you maintain a curious mindset. You listen to understand, and you resist the urge to add any of your own thoughts or comments.
Your only response when you’re interviewing is something affirming like “Thank you for sharing.” Or “That’s good to know.” You can also invite them to share more by simply saying, “Tell me more about that.”
Once your spouse has answered all the questions, switch roles and let them interview you!
What’s something you love to do and haven’t done in a while?
What are three words you feel best describe you?
What’s the best thing about being the age that you are right now?
What do you worry about the most?
What helps you feel better when you’re upset or stressed?
What would you like us to do more of as a couple?
If we could live anywhere in the world, where would you like to live?
What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?
What’s one thing on your bucket list that you’d like to do sometime?
What are you most proud of in your life?
What’s weighing heavy on you right now?
What’s the most surprising thing that happened to you last year?
What do you think your best qualities are?
What’s one way I can be praying for you right now?
You can print out “The Interview Date” here so you both can have a copy in hand:
The-Interview-Date.pdf
Good marriages don’t just happen. They’re created one conversation at a time!
May 12, 2023
Do you find yourself navigating conflict and feeling like there’s not any closure or healing for your relationship? In this Double Date with Mark and Jill, we talk about how to have conflict in a healthy way and how to find closure when conflict happens.
Talk about it:
What’s the hardest part about our conflict for you?
What could I do to help make conflict better for you?
Think about it:
What do I bring to conflict that isn’t helpful?
How do I do at repairing? How do I do at repairing even when I feel my spouse is more wrong than I am?
Notes and Quotes:
Own what you brought to the party!
Don’t ever have rupture without repair.
