Dec 18, 2024
A New Year means a fresh start to the calendar and our season of life. Would you like to start this new year with more intentionality? That’s what we are talking about in this Double Date lesson.
One thing that you can consider for the new year is how you want to use your Date Night membership as part of your rhythms of connection, and we give you some ideas about that in this lesson, too! We encourage you not to leave the next year to chance. You get to design the marriage and the connection you want.
Talk About It
1. Looking back at 2024, from a marriage perspective-how did we do? What were our strengths?
2. What were some things we could have done better?
3. How was our pace of life? Are there adjustments we want to make for 2025?
4. What are some things that we can go ahead and put on the calendar so that we have regular connection?
Think About It
1. Were there times when I wanted more connection or more time together, but I expressed that from a place of criticism?
2. How can I help make and prioritize advanced decisions when it comes to our rhythms of connection?
Notes and Quotes
Advanced Decision Making has been a game changer. Deciding things ahead of time and putting plans on the calendar makes it easier for us to commit to plans and manage our time wisely.
As we ask questions, we need to try to do so with a curious mindset, instead of a defensive or aggressive mindset. Think of it as solving problems together, not criticizing. Use “we” language.
In these conversations, take out the word “you.” That one word can divert the whole conversation into a place of defensiveness.
Consider the 2 – 2 – 2 Rhythm of Connection:
• A date night every two weeks
• A weekend away every two months
• A week away every two years
One of the values of having something planned together is this: even just the anticipation of the event builds connection!
Nov 26, 2024
Too often we look at our marriage through a lens of lack.
When that happens, we need to intentionally move our eyes to see what we do have.
This Design-A-Date allows us to focus on what we appreciate about each other AND take the time to communicate those things.
Head to a coffee shop or simply snuggle up on the couch with a paper and pen.
Jot down all the things you appreciate about your spouse by finishing this sentence, “I’m thankful you ______________________ or “I’m thankful for __________________________.”
Once you’ve identified a list of 10 or 12 things you are thankful for, take time to communicate to each other what you’re thankful for AND why you’re thankful for it (what you appreciate about it, how that character trait makes your life easier, etc.)
End with a one minute full body hug, just standing and holding each other for a minute.
Print out Date Night here:
Thankful-Date-Night.png
May 2, 2024
When two lives blend into one, we have to learn the skill of compromise. In this Double Date with Mark and Jill you will learn the practical tools needed to make decisions together!
Talk About It
Are there any dynamics that I bring to the table that makes decision-making conversations difficult for you?
How can I practically listen to you better?
How do I make you feel when we’re making a decision?
Think About It
Am I selfish in any way when we are making decisions together? Do I want my own way so much that I can’t consider my spouse’s thoughts and perspective?
Do I respond with defensiveness in any way?
Can I really listen well?
Notes and Quotes
- Start with multiple discussions of no decision.
- Partner A makes an initial proposal.
- Partner B either agrees with the proposal and a decision is made. If not, Partner B takes some time to think and pray through a counterproposal.
- Partner B makes a counterproposal.
- Partner A either agrees with the counterproposal and a decision is made. If not, Partner A takes some time to think and pray thought a counterproposal.
- The counterproposal back and forth continues until we can find common ground.
Discussions of no decision = brainstorming with no decisions being made. No lobbying. Just sharing what you’re each thinking.
Sep 6, 2023
In marriage, we’re called to serve one another and this requires sacrifice. However, sometimes the timing of the serving may need to be adjusted based upon our availability, emotional capacity, and other responsibilities. That’s when we need to learn how to say no by saying yes. You can learn how in this 9 minute video!
Talk About It
In our marriage, would you describe me as generous or selfish? Tell me more about that.
What is one way I could better serve you in our marriage?
Think About It
How often does selfishness rise up inside of me?
Am I a person of my word? If I say I’ll do something, do I do it? Do I have a system to remember?
Notes and Quotes
“Yes, however,” is the key to saying no by saying yes.
You have to keep your “however” to be a person of your word and not break.
Aug 31, 2023
If there’s one common theme in marriages that struggle, it’s the misuse of our words. In this Dive Deep Interview, Jill talks with Sarah Molitor. Sarah misused her words for many years in her marriage until she was convicted of the damage she had caused. That’s when she made some very necessary changes. We all need the wisdom in this video!
Talk About It
In what way have my words hurt you in our marriage? (Whatever your spouse shares, respond with an apology. I’m sorry for _______________. I understand it has hurt you in this way: ________________________. Will you please forgive me?)
If there is one way I could better use my words to lift you up? What words of mine would most bring you life?
Think About It
Are there any “band-aids” you’ve used to fix something in your life because of your discontentment?
Is there any way you’re turning to your emotions and feelings rather than to the Lord?
What is going on in my head and my heart that are fueling my damaging words?
Do you need to clean up anything with Lord or with someone else because of the misuse of your words?
Notes and Quotes
What God Says About Our Words:
The-Power-of-Our-Words-PDF.pdf
Build your home and build your family right where you are.
Repentance is being grieved over how your actions have affected another person.
