Jul 8, 2025
It’s always easiest to see what our partner brought to a situation than it is to see what we contributed. Humility requires us to own our part. In this Double Date with Mark and Jill, we explore how to own our part and why it’s important to do so–even if we think our partner was more wrong than we were!
Talk About It
In your family growing up, did you see your parents own their part?
What’s one thing I could do better when it comes to owning my part?
Think About It
Is my default humility or pride?
If I had to give myself a grade on listening well (rather than getting defensive), what would the grade be?
Notes and Quotes
Silent Sins: envy, jealousy, pride, judgement, unforgiveness, selfishness, resentment, bitterness
Nov 26, 2024
Too often we look at our marriage through a lens of lack.
When that happens, we need to intentionally move our eyes to see what we do have.
This Design-A-Date allows us to focus on what we appreciate about each other AND take the time to communicate those things.
Head to a coffee shop or simply snuggle up on the couch with a paper and pen.
Jot down all the things you appreciate about your spouse by finishing this sentence, “I’m thankful you ______________________ or “I’m thankful for __________________________.”
Once you’ve identified a list of 10 or 12 things you are thankful for, take time to communicate to each other what you’re thankful for AND why you’re thankful for it (what you appreciate about it, how that character trait makes your life easier, etc.)
End with a one minute full body hug, just standing and holding each other for a minute.
Print out Date Night here:
Thankful-Date-Night.pdf
Jun 5, 2024
Selfishness is the great destroyer of marriages. How do we stop selfishness? With generosity! Join Mark and Jill for this short video about a very important God-tool!
Talk About It
Is there anytime where you feel selfishness affects my ability to love and serve you? (When you’re the one asking the question, make sure you respond with “Thank you for that feedback” and nothing else.
In what ways could I be more generous in our marriage?
Think About It
In what scenarios am I aware that selfishness rises up inside of me?
Where in my life and marriage do I need to be more intentional about “dying to self?”
Notes and Quotes
Philemon 1:6 (NLT): “And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ.”
Apr 8, 2024
Reese and VaLisa Palmer are marriage counselors and marriage coaches. They have a passion for helping couples create the marriage they long for. Understanding how childhood affects your marriage is the topic of this conversation that you absolutely have to listen to!
Talk About It
If we had to name our negative pattern that we sometimes get in, what would we call it?
What are some of our “echoes from the past” from each of our childhoods that are affecting our marriage now?
Is there anything from previous generations–generational patterns–that’s affecting our marriage now? (if you identify any, take time to pray together to ask God to stop that with you.)
Think About It
What expectations did I bring into marriage from my family of origin?
Am I the withdrawer or the pursuer?
Where do I need to be more self-aware of how my childhood wounds are covered landmines in our marriage?
Notes and Quotes
Understanding attachment is a game-changer for marriage.
Anxious Attachment = Pursuer
Avoidant Attachment = Withdrawer
Your communication problems go back to when you were 4-years-old!
EFT–Emotionally Focused Therapy (attachment theory therapy)
Oct 27, 2023
How do we handle it as individuals and as a couple when disappointment and grief are our reality? Are we sensitive to each other’s needs? Do we understand the importance of grief? Do we understand that grief happens in times where a “funeral” doesn’t happen? In this compelling conversation, Jill talks with Chuck and Ashley Elliott about handling grief well together when life disappoints.
Talk About It:
What “used to be’s” do you feel we’ve had in our life?
What is a disappointment or loss you experienced in childhood? How was that emotional pain handled?
What do you need from me when you’re sad, disappointed, or grieving?
Think About It:
What loss have I experienced that I may not thought of as grief?
What unrealized dreams do I have that I’ve buried and never really grieved? Can I have a funeral for this to help me move on?
Notes and Quotes
When we don’t identify grief, it’s hard to move on.
There’s healing that frees you up for whatever could be next.
What does it look like for me to be emotionally available and present for whatever opportunity is next?
