Nov 26, 2024
Too often we look at our marriage through a lens of lack.
When that happens, we need to intentionally move our eyes to see what we do have.
This Design-A-Date allows us to focus on what we appreciate about each other AND take the time to communicate those things.
Head to a coffee shop or simply snuggle up on the couch with a paper and pen.
Jot down all the things you appreciate about your spouse by finishing this sentence, “I’m thankful you ______________________ or “I’m thankful for __________________________.”
Once you’ve identified a list of 10 or 12 things you are thankful for, take time to communicate to each other what you’re thankful for AND why you’re thankful for it (what you appreciate about it, how that character trait makes your life easier, etc.)
End with a one minute full body hug, just standing and holding each other for a minute.
Print out Date Night here:
Thankful-Date-Night.png
Jun 5, 2024
Selfishness is the great destroyer of marriages. How do we stop selfishness? With generosity! Join Mark and Jill for this short video about a very important God-tool!
Talk About It
Is there anytime where you feel selfishness affects my ability to love and serve you? (When you’re the one asking the question, make sure you respond with “Thank you for that feedback” and nothing else.
In what ways could I be more generous in our marriage?
Think About It
In what scenarios am I aware that selfishness rises up inside of me?
Where in my life and marriage do I need to be more intentional about “dying to self?”
Notes and Quotes
Philemon 1:6 (NLT): “And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ.”
Apr 8, 2024
Reese and VaLisa Palmer are marriage counselors and marriage coaches. They have a passion for helping couples create the marriage they long for. Understanding how childhood affects your marriage is the topic of this conversation that you absolutely have to listen to!
Talk About It
If we had to name our negative pattern that we sometimes get in, what would we call it?
What are some of our “echoes from the past” from each of our childhoods that are affecting our marriage now?
Is there anything from previous generations–generational patterns–that’s affecting our marriage now? (if you identify any, take time to pray together to ask God to stop that with you.)
Think About It
What expectations did I bring into marriage from my family of origin?
Am I the withdrawer or the pursuer?
Where do I need to be more self-aware of how my childhood wounds are covered landmines in our marriage?
Notes and Quotes
Understanding attachment is a game-changer for marriage.
Anxious Attachment = Pursuer
Avoidant Attachment = Withdrawer
Your communication problems go back to when you were 4-years-old!
EFT–Emotionally Focused Therapy (attachment theory therapy)
Oct 27, 2023
How do we handle it as individuals and as a couple when disappointment and grief are our reality? Are we sensitive to each other’s needs? Do we understand the importance of grief? Do we understand that grief happens in times where a “funeral” doesn’t happen? In this compelling conversation, Jill talks with Chuck and Ashley Elliott about handling grief well together when life disappoints.
Talk About It:
What “used to be’s” do you feel we’ve had in our life?
What is a disappointment or loss you experienced in childhood? How was that emotional pain handled?
What do you need from me when you’re sad, disappointed, or grieving?
Think About It:
What loss have I experienced that I may not thought of as grief?
What unrealized dreams do I have that I’ve buried and never really grieved? Can I have a funeral for this to help me move on?
Notes and Quotes
When we don’t identify grief, it’s hard to move on.
There’s healing that frees you up for whatever could be next.
What does it look like for me to be emotionally available and present for whatever opportunity is next?
Aug 31, 2023
If there’s one common theme in marriages that struggle, it’s the misuse of our words. In this Dive Deep Interview, Jill talks with Sarah Molitor. Sarah misused her words for many years in her marriage until she was convicted of the damage she had caused. That’s when she made some very necessary changes. We all need the wisdom in this video!
Talk About It
In what way have my words hurt you in our marriage? (Whatever your spouse shares, respond with an apology. I’m sorry for _______________. I understand it has hurt you in this way: ________________________. Will you please forgive me?)
If there is one way I could better use my words to lift you up? What words of mine would most bring you life?
Think About It
Are there any “band-aids” you’ve used to fix something in your life because of your discontentment?
Is there any way you’re turning to your emotions and feelings rather than to the Lord?
What is going on in my head and my heart that are fueling my damaging words?
Do you need to clean up anything with Lord or with someone else because of the misuse of your words?
Notes and Quotes
What God Says About Our Words:
The-Power-of-Our-Words-PDF.pdf
Build your home and build your family right where you are.
Repentance is being grieved over how your actions have affected another person.
