Apr 8, 2024
Reese and VaLisa Palmer are marriage counselors and marriage coaches. They have a passion for helping couples create the marriage they long for. Understanding how childhood affects your marriage is the topic of this conversation that you absolutely have to listen to!
Talk About It
If we had to name our negative pattern that we sometimes get in, what would we call it?
What are some of our “echoes from the past” from each of our childhoods that are affecting our marriage now?
Is there anything from previous generations–generational patterns–that’s affecting our marriage now? (if you identify any, take time to pray together to ask God to stop that with you.)
Think About It
What expectations did I bring into marriage from my family of origin?
Am I the withdrawer or the pursuer?
Where do I need to be more self-aware of how my childhood wounds are covered landmines in our marriage?
Notes and Quotes
Understanding attachment is a game-changer for marriage.
Anxious Attachment = Pursuer
Avoidant Attachment = Withdrawer
Your communication problems go back to when you were 4-years-old!
EFT–Emotionally Focused Therapy (attachment theory therapy)
Oct 27, 2023
How do we handle it as individuals and as a couple when disappointment and grief are our reality? Are we sensitive to each other’s needs? Do we understand the importance of grief? Do we understand that grief happens in times where a “funeral” doesn’t happen? In this compelling conversation, Jill talks with Chuck and Ashley Elliott about handling grief well together when life disappoints.
Talk About It:
What “used to be’s” do you feel we’ve had in our life?
What is a disappointment or loss you experienced in childhood? How was that emotional pain handled?
What do you need from me when you’re sad, disappointed, or grieving?
Think About It:
What loss have I experienced that I may not thought of as grief?
What unrealized dreams do I have that I’ve buried and never really grieved? Can I have a funeral for this to help me move on?
Notes and Quotes
When we don’t identify grief, it’s hard to move on.
There’s healing that frees you up for whatever could be next.
What does it look like for me to be emotionally available and present for whatever opportunity is next?
Aug 31, 2023
If there’s one common theme in marriages that struggle, it’s the misuse of our words. In this Dive Deep Interview, Jill talks with Sarah Molitor. Sarah misused her words for many years in her marriage until she was convicted of the damage she had caused. That’s when she made some very necessary changes. We all need the wisdom in this video!
Talk About It
In what way have my words hurt you in our marriage? (Whatever your spouse shares, respond with an apology. I’m sorry for _______________. I understand it has hurt you in this way: ________________________. Will you please forgive me?)
If there is one way I could better use my words to lift you up? What words of mine would most bring you life?
Think About It
Are there any “band-aids” you’ve used to fix something in your life because of your discontentment?
Is there any way you’re turning to your emotions and feelings rather than to the Lord?
What is going on in my head and my heart that are fueling my damaging words?
Do you need to clean up anything with Lord or with someone else because of the misuse of your words?
Notes and Quotes
What God Says About Our Words:
The-Power-of-Our-Words-PDF.pdf
Build your home and build your family right where you are.
Repentance is being grieved over how your actions have affected another person.
Jun 21, 2023
Are you hinting, hoping, complaining, commenting, or criticizing? If so, we want you to know there’s a better way to let your spouse know what you need! This Double Date with Mark and Jill will show you the way!
Talk About It
What is your initial thought about using this strategy in our communication?
What fears do you have about making requests?
Is there a request you’d like to make?
Think About It
Did you grow up in a home where making requests wasn’t safe (maybe you had a reactive parent, or your needs simply weren’t thought of or met)?
Can you think of a time in the past week where a direct request might have made a big difference?
Notes and Quotes
I thought I was communicating, but really I was commenting, hoping, or hinting.
When you experience frustration, there’s a request to be made.
Part of a healthy marriage is self-leadership.
Ask yourself, “What do you need?”
May 12, 2023
Do you find yourself navigating conflict and feeling like there’s not any closure or healing for your relationship? In this Double Date with Mark and Jill, we talk about how to have conflict in a healthy way and how to find closure when conflict happens.
Talk about it:
What’s the hardest part about our conflict for you?
What could I do to help make conflict better for you?
Think about it:
What do I bring to conflict that isn’t helpful?
How do I do at repairing? How do I do at repairing even when I feel my spouse is more wrong than I am?
Notes and Quotes:
Own what you brought to the party!
Don’t ever have rupture without repair.
